The Agony and the Ecstasy

The agony and ecstasy, which was the title of a novel  by Irving Stone and then a movie about the novel, so aptly describes the process that any creative person goes through when creating his or her project. This includes writers, especially those of us who not only create stories, but also the worlds that go into such stories, often acting as another character, if you will. You may well suppose that the ecstasy comes from the act of creation. When our mind births a character, wholy fleshed, with his or her own back story, with his or her own motives for doing things, and emotions we go through . But then, if that is the ecstasy, you may well ask, where does the agony come in?

The agony comes in during those periods of self-doubt, when we stare at the  blank screen or blank page and ask ourselves why we thought we had the talent  it takes to write, when our minds are just as blank as the page on the screen where did we get the  hubris, the unmitigated gall, the nerve to think to think that we had any writing talent at all? I go through this every time I sit down and start to write. Of course, I have Dragon, so I talk my stories.. But there are times when my mind is blank, and not a word comes through. It is at this time that I begin to realize why many writers have such a problem with alcohol. They drink to get through the psychic pain that comes whenever they sit down to write something. They drink to avoid the agony that comes after the ecstasy, or the agony that comes instead of the ecstasy. Now, with me, the real drinkers would consider me no fun at all, because I quit drinking just as soon as I start to feel the buzz. I don't like the loss of control that comes with consuming too much, and I tend to get sick if I go over my self-imposed limit.  That’s why I imposed it myself.  I don't like to get sick.  If I've gone to the trouble of cooking a meal, and then consuming part of it, I don't like having to sacrifice it to the white porcelain god . If someone is kind enough and generous enough to treat me to dinner, I don't like having to sacrifice it to the white porcelain god.

Of course I have ways of getting around this agony. One thing I have is music. I have several playlists on Rhapsody, which I use to set the mood, and get my mind working on my chosen scenario. Another way I have is by talking the story out with my Significant Other. Sometimes just talking it at him gives me ideas. Other times his questions raise questions in my own mind which I answer by writing.  Another way I have is legal in two states, and legal here if you have a card that says you need it for some condition or another.  But I don’t use it often.  We don’t have much, it’s expensive, and only my house mate has a card for using it because of his glaucoma.  Here also, moderation is necessary.  Use too much and you become pre-literate.  This may work for the visual arts, such as painting or sculpture, but if you’re writing, nope.

But in the end, there really is only one way did and this agony. That is to push through it to get to the act ecstasy part of creation. If you were a woman who has ever gone to trial birth, you know what I mean you pushed through the pain to emerge on the other side with the ecstasy of having this perfect small human in your arms. In the case of riding, you are merged with something that can be proved in improved with a bit of creative editing which carries its own agony.